Da Bachelorhood

Before I get into my random thinkings, i would just like to say, happy JBR day! (Jon benet ramsey day? junior bacon rapeburger day? jazillions of british rastafarians?) Yes, that’s right, jon benet is legal today, which in the eyes of most of us makes her way too old to be of interest. It doesn’t matter anyways, she hasn’t returned our calls in about 12 years. Thanks, scott peterson! (more…)

(Hold for applause)

But I would be liar if I told you I didn’t miss it; with every straight line I walk, sunny day that doesn’t give me a headache, and two syllabel word I can pronounce. I’m tired of the days where I don’t blackout and wake up drooling, its time for a change. I’ve been able to think clearly since (R)October 20, 2007 and what has it gotten me? I left college, got a girlfriend, got a 9-5 working for The Man, and live with my parents to save money. You call that thinking straight? I’ve had enough, it all ends Friday.

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Most of DaBachelorhood will be in Dayton this weekend, here’s our hour by hour itinerary in case you want to meet up with us:
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I just had an experience that inspired me to post. It was a day just like any other, and i decided the wind was right for dead baby jokes and a lunch of mac and cheese. This is where my problems began. After putting in the shells and cheese, i opened the velveeta package for the sake of efficiency. I ate a glob, blacked out, and woke up with the entire cheese packet empty and my shells just about ready for draining. My cheeseorexia aside, that got me to wondering…just what is the best kind of mac and cheese?
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It all started the summer after freshman year when I had a fling with this broad who went to University of Buffalo, and she is the reason why I will fail my sociology class. Why? Because one day she informed me of a word that will make the next 13 weeks more awkward than a priest in the YMCA. FUPA she explained is a Fat Upper Pussy Area. I always wondered with the male eqivilent, when a really fat guy sits down wearing tight pants…where does his dick go? There is clearly NO BULDGE! As much as I don’t like noticing fellow buldges, I would feel much more comforble knowing there was one there. Anyways, at the time, I chuckled and thought nothing of it until my first day of sociology class and became witness to Professor FUPA. (more…)