Da Bachelorhood

Every guy out there knows that, inherent with being a man, there are great decisions that need to be made. Hooker or dog? Boxers or briefs? Is a mouth a mouth? Condom or baby? Cigarettes, or for two dollars more in NY, crack? However, there are many more decisions that, unlike those mentioned, we don’t face every morning. This is the first chapter of a book that may eventually turn into an encyclopedia. (more…)

Sometimes I’m not really being entertained, and my mind has time to wander infinitely, in search of excitement, like a gay dude in a stripclub. These times occur when i’m doing things like driving home from school or banging the same dead hooker for the third time (that’s right, i’m client numbers 9 though 11). So, my mind wanders to the existential. Does jersey’s girlfriend know the real reason he loves amusement parks so much is because he likes to fistfuck midgets on the wooden rollercoaster in rythmic time with the ‘clack clack?’ Does gazzerro know that he drinks so much mountain dew that his sperm are radioactive and super hyper, and that he could turn those 5 daily whacks into a goldmine with imitation horse cum? Does snakeyes really really not know what the pagebreak button is? Why doesn’t brick just run for governor of new york already? (more…)

I just had an experience that inspired me to post. It was a day just like any other, and i decided the wind was right for dead baby jokes and a lunch of mac and cheese. This is where my problems began. After putting in the shells and cheese, i opened the velveeta package for the sake of efficiency. I ate a glob, blacked out, and woke up with the entire cheese packet empty and my shells just about ready for draining. My cheeseorexia aside, that got me to wondering…just what is the best kind of mac and cheese?
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Okay, so this might not be what you think it is. I don’t hate him because he’s messy or loud or left the seat up and causes me to break my tailbone every time i get drunk and pee like a girl. This particular focus of hatred comes as part of this time of the year…no, not valentines day, not drunken irishman’s day (oxymoronic, i know), but rather….girl scout cookie delivery day. (more…)

As a self-proclaimed and unapologetic emo kid, I write about my feelings alot. Yes, I do write in a diary, and yes, I am concerned about my own emotional and spiritual health. But, this website has allowed me some creative outlets for my lighter moods, and I really enjoy it. I just found the following post in one of my former blogs and thought I would share it with you. It is about my transition from full-fledged emo writing to a balance of both emo and funny stuff. Here it is.
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