Da Bachelorhood

We’re all sorry none of us has written in a while, but I think I have a girlfriend now ( blow up doll? ) and most of the other guys are too busy watching Brokeback Mountain. Anyways, I decided to look through some freshman year AIM logs, and bring up an event that we haven’t talked about in a long, long time…

I know what you’re thinking. There’s absolutely no way John Rambo could have killed all those cops in the forest in First Blood, unless they were all cops like Jersey. But that’s beside the point. The point is, i’m about to take you on a journey…a journey to the deepest, darkest, wettest depths of love-induced hell: gazz’s nether-regions. Most of you may find it disgusting, but really, it’s a tale of seduction and love; the soundtrack of which sounds like a boot stuck in mud, only wetter. And no, no one had the chance to utter ‘be gentle’ before it all went down. (more…)

Every guy out there knows that, inherent with being a man, there are great decisions that need to be made. Hooker or dog? Boxers or briefs? Is a mouth a mouth? Condom or baby? Cigarettes, or for two dollars more in NY, crack? However, there are many more decisions that, unlike those mentioned, we don’t face every morning. This is the first chapter of a book that may eventually turn into an encyclopedia. (more…)

Meeting your girlfriend’s parents for the first time isn’t easy. There can be a lot of pressure to at least appear to live up the sky-high expectations parents have for their children. Important thing is to maintain your composure and and lie your ass off if need be. Don’t worry though, Goofus and Gallant will be there to help teach you right from wrong. (more…)

So you finally got a woman back to your apartment (sure she’s not conscious, but you have no reason to believe she didn’t want to come back.)

Keeping a pet can be a big turn on when she realizes you’re nurturing enough to keep something alive (like kids!) What’s important is the type of pet you choose - that can also send a big signal.
(more…)

On Line for the Movie 

Gallant: Discusses his anticipation in seeing the movie and offers to purchase the young lady’s ticket.

Goofus: Lies to his date, and tells her he left his wallet at home. When the truth is it was stolen during a 5 dollar lapdance he got while enjoying the free buffet for lunch at his local strip club. (more…)