Da Bachelorhood

THE FACTS:

• Sause has a mother and a father. One can then deduce that, genetically, Sause is 50% male and 50% female.
• Sause is known for his innate ability to stop attackers by knocking them out with on-demand hard-ons.
• Sause is a hopeless romantic. He once took a spelunking class just to better understand how to pleasure a woman.
• Sause believes the Lord of the Rings trilogy to be 100% true and accurate. He cites Alanis Morrissette as scientific evidence that gollum exists.

THE FICTION:

• Only sorta gay.