Da Bachelorhood

Since most of us here in Da Hood are bored as hell in our first-out-of-college jobs or bored in class, all day we email the group with random thoughts, coarse jokes and obviously inappropriate comments, most of which begin the posts on this very website. After 256 email responses and countless posts, here are the best of our one liners thus far;

•this one time, i masturbated so furiously that my co-workers got uncomfortable

•I guess it’s time to pry that gun from his cold dead hands. (in reference to Charlton Heston’s death)

•go order a venti mocha cutyourselfchino

•i once got an STD nicknamed “the philly”… when i peed, it looked like a really greasy cheese steak

•i nicknamed my junk the Philadelphia philly because it gets beat so often

•watercups aren’t the souls of jews

•i’m wearing diapers is because i’ve invented a new phenomenon: the traveling blumpkin

•every time you sterilize someone from new jersey, god give you $50 gift certificate to outback

•everytime a baby is born in new jersey, magic johnson gets aids again

•baby boomers - are they cannons that shoot babies or cannons that shoot babies?

•And if she starts to get her period, just throw her away like any other leaky object!

•Brian Gregory has more coach than Paris Hilton’s handbag collection.

•when my liver cries, my heart gets a boner

•go halvsies on an oatmeal cream pie and watch that training bra fly across the room

•you can freeze the body in that position for up to 6 weeks

•Baseball is a game that is determined by inches, like my divorce

•line dancing is only better than circle-jerking because there’s a definitive beginning and end

•i simply thought a pussywillow was a debilitating condition associated with menopause.

•”Cheerios” is a misnomer. They don’t make me happy at all

•The greatest alcoholic day of the year (right behind Mother’s Day)

•Swayze, unlike you, I have to live with myself

•I used to think UNC campus was warm, but now i’m hearing reports of a cold student body.

•where you have only a taste of something you love the most, then it is taken away from you shattering you’re greatest desires, like a legal JonBenet Ramsey.

•Dosidos are about as exciting as being kicked in the nuts by paul bunyan wearing steel toed work boots

•The kind of hatred a stripper gets when you try and put dimes in her g-string

•they’ll eat anything, even rosie o’donnell’s naughty bits

•The only three day rule i want associated with a girl is the 3 days a hooker waits for my check to clear.

•Option three would be to play Russian roulette with your neighbor’s kitten

•He ignores the mustache and continues because, hey, a mouth is a mouth.

•Drink in sorrow that gay marriage killed the dinosaurs

•lindsay lohan naked crabwalking backwards

•extra strength tylenol, coat hanger, & a pregnancy test.

•My mom put a poster up in my room that says, “don’t be afraid to make a mistake” …it had my picture on it.

•Cliffhangers are

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 15th, 2008 at 2:33 pm and is filed under Da Bachelors, Insults, bored at work, too many tags. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.