Da Bachelorhood

Meeting your girlfriend’s parents for the first time isn’t easy. There can be a lot of pressure to at least appear to live up the sky-high expectations parents have for their children. Important thing is to maintain your composure and and lie your ass off if need be. Don’t worry though, Goofus and Gallant will be there to help teach you right from wrong.

Attire:

Gallant: Wears his best button down polo, dockers, and nicely shined shoes to meet his new girl friends parents.

Goofus: Wears a pink polo (collar popped), jeans (5 holes, strategically placed), Rainbow sandals, limegreen headban sticking out of his spikey hair.

Demeanor:

Gallant: Calm, cool, collected. Runs a few scenarios through his head about how to answer question, in a light witty manner, without coming off too comfortable or too cocky.

Goofus: Takes 3 shots of Skyy Vodka and is ready to roll.

The Introduction:

Gallant: How are you? My name is Gallant, I’ve heard a lot about you from your daughter.

Goofus: Hey bro, I’m Goofus, I googled you and it says you make mad bank, LOBSTER FOR EVERYONE!

Drinks/refreshments:

Gallant: May indulge in a single glass of wine or scotch, but only if the host or the rest of the table is also enjoying. After that its straight coke/iced tea.

Goofus: Line of coke in the bathroom; combo of wine spritzers (to be classy) and Belvedere vodka red bulls at the table.

Small Talk:

Gallant: Discusses his past, but not in too much detail as to dominate conversation. Asks a lot of questions centered around the following statement, “How did you raise such a fine young lady? ”

Goofus: Talks about his frat and highlights from his one semester of playing rugby before practice got all ”stupid and shit”. Can you pass the bread? Oh, damn, can we get some more? 

Manners:

Gallant: Has already read exhaustively about the rules of civility, and acts accordingly.

Goofus: As long as he’s able to crack a joke about it, he can spill anything on himself and get away with it.

Dessert:

Gallant: Has a cup of tea and discusses what he plans on doing in the future, including his upcoming Medical School examinations

Goofus: Nutty Irishman done and did it dawg.

Saying Goodnight:

Gallant: Thanks his hosts and texts his date that he will meet her at her place later, as not to indicate to his girlfriend’s parents that she is being promiscious.

Goofus: Bro hugs his girlfriend’s father then says goodnight and leaves.

Later in the evening:

Gallant: Tells his love how great her family is and how he now understands more about who she is.

Goofus: Had to run cause he’s got another girl’s parents to meet, and his tweak is running thin.

This entry was posted on Monday, March 24th, 2008 at 2:02 pm and is filed under Da Bachelors, Goofus and Gallant, How to..., Love, Yeah I have a girlfriend, bored at work. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.