Dancing a Little Too Dirty
Posted by: Gazz in Only Snakeeyes will laugh, Posts about Gay Cowboys, Why couldn't this post be about Britney Spears?, remember when gazz was funny?Today Patrick Swayze announced he has pancreatic cancer. November was pancreatic cancer awareness month. It looks like someone should have paid attention!
This type of cancer is typically terminal and is usually only diagnosed in the late stages, so that doesn’t give us much time to come up with jokes. Nor will it give Swayze enough time to finish Alcoholics Anonymous.
The media originally reported he only has five weeks to live. This was quickly replaced by reports that his doctor said he had much longer to live. Through insider information, I’ve learned this is a misquote and his doctor actually said, “If you’ve ever seen dirty dancing, you’ll know this is going to feel like a lot more than 5 weeks.”
The general public was upset to hear the bad news. No, not that Swayze was terminally ill, but that the impending death means that in 5 weeks prime time TV will show marathons of Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights. Yes, there was a sequel. To make the dancing dirtier, they took it to the dirtiest place in the world: Havana. The hidden bonus was that they had no problem finding really skinny, tan extras willing to dance for low wages.
The Vegas Odds makers are getting filthy rich off of this news. Most people were betting on him dying of liver disease. Not me, I saw this coming a long way off because lately he’s been following Scientology. Click it and then you figure it out. I’m not in the least bit surprised he caught a bad case of the cancer.
According to a recent interview, Swayze was considering adopting a child. He hasn’t changed this plan, but instead of adopting domestically he now plans on adopting a third world baby so he can have a longer life expectancy than his child. I think this is selfish of him and he’s only adopting the baby in hopes that when it dies oh-so-young, he can harvest the pancreas. The pancreas is part of the digestive system, so a third world baby’s would be oh-so-lightly-used. (No, not even poor, helpless children are exempt from Swayze jokes.)
I guess it really just goes to show, you have to be careful what you wish for or sometimes you’ll feel personally responsible for the impending death of a celebrity. Swayze is an asshole for dying an untimely death; his death is forcing me to tell horrible jokes. Thanks Swayze, but unlike you, I have to live with myself.
Entries (RSS)
March 6th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
omfg I love this posting…………..
March 6th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
OH. MY. GOD……….. baaaahahahahahahaha
March 6th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
i wish women would go back to wearing those jeans that go up to their boobies.
March 6th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
I have lost all words.
March 6th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
though dirty dancing was (and still remains) a cult favorite, it’s by no means patrick’s only blockbuster performance.
he starred as a dead guy in “ghost.” that’s right, “ghost.” he’s also in “staying alive,” “letters from a killer” and “one last dance.”
i’m just feeding the fire…
March 6th, 2008 at 9:49 pm
stir that pot! stir that pot!
March 7th, 2008 at 9:23 am
vintage gazzerro
March 7th, 2008 at 11:53 am
He’s going to hell
March 7th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
keep god out of california!!!
March 7th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
In an October 2007 interview…
interviewer: So what are your thoughts on pancreatic cancer?
Patrick Swayze: Well, it’s growing on me.
March 7th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Swayze is old news, the UNC murder is the new thing.
I used to think UNC campus was warm, but now i’m hearing reports of a cold student body.
I’m not surprised that the girl was shot in her car, I mean, have you ever seen a woman drive?
She used to think she was invincible to bullets, but she let it get to her head.
March 7th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
“I’m heading to the bar to take some shots to the face”
We’re gonna get sued
March 7th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Have you seen pictures of her? She was pretty - actually, I’d go so far as to call her drop-dead gorgeous.
March 7th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
As student body president, how would you keep a head of the crime on campus?
Hilary foreshadowing anybody?
March 7th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
She used to be such a headstrong person.
Well, she’ll never be the head of a major corporation.
Its midterm week, not a good time to lose one’s head.
And yes, she was pretty…she won’t be giving those unc guys head anymore…
which one puts me at the dinner table with satan?
March 7th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
Turns out she was on her way to the spa to get a facial.
irony!!!!
March 7th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
I heard we’re all going to hell for making these jokes. I’ll call ahead and make reservations, I sent some chick from UNC ahead to hold our spot.
March 8th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
The UNC v. Duke game tonight is going to be a killer.
That is as good as I can get.
Fuck, “Snake Eyes” is rubbing off on me..
March 9th, 2008 at 11:33 am
I heard that UNC was a big party school, but after I spent a weekend there I found out that the campus is really dead.
March 10th, 2008 at 11:24 am
If I could say one thing to the friends and family of the victim of this tragedy, I’d probably be at a loss for words and just need to use this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vX07j9SDFcc
No, not a Rick Roll, that’d be mean.
May 6th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
[...] Friday I go back to my addiction and I think it will be better for all of us. No longer will my ego grow unchecked like a tumor in Patrick Swayze’s head. Its time for me to grow up and starting acting like the real man I’ve always wanted to be. A 15 year old in a 23 year old’s body. Starting this friday I start getting back in shape and I start getting my ass kicked on a regular basis. It was this strategy that gave me the best times of my life in college and will help improve my life in the future. Friday at 5pm (est) I start boxing. [...]