Da Bachelorhood

I came home from class today to a most wonderful scene, two of my roommates (DJ and Banks) watching The Sandlot. Not only one of my favorite movies but also one of the best sports movies of all time. My schedule was completely free to sit back and watch the whole movie, so I was content. Just as the Amusement Park/Chaw scene was beginning I thought I blacked out for a second. But NO! The channel had changed without anyone touching the remote. I was too appalled from this distraction to even focus in on what the hell just happened trying to collect my composure. But it happened, I thought that I had been plunged into the 6th circle of hell. The one where you have only a taste of something you love the most, then it is taken away from you shattering you’re greatest desires (like a legal JonBenet Ramsey). Apparently DJ pre-programmed for the Direct TV to automatically turn to the Family Encore channel at 12:30 when Space Jam was starting. SPACE JAM! Despite the reactions of Banks and myself which was similar of a group of girl scouts getting their baby seal clubbing merit badges, he completely disregarded the fact that The Sandlot was still on and continued to engage in this D rated movie. Banks and I were jaw-dropped, awed, frozen in time for what seemed like an eternity waiting for him to turn it back to the obviously superior cinema experience. But the light was never reached. Granted that this now demoted in the game of life roommate is from Chicago and is naturally a Michael Jordan fan, but even the most hardcore windy city fanatic can acknowledge the plain fact that The Sandlot is far better than Space Jam. WHY DJ, WHY??!!?! Let’s briefly review the two films;

Plot: Sandlot - Scotty Smalls, the new kid in the neighborhood achieves is dreams of baseball talent and social acceptance, by the town’s baseball guru Benny “The Jet” Rodreguez taking Smalls under his wing. Smalls and his new friends have a summer full adventures of rival games, treehouse campouts, theme parks and desirous lifeguards at the local pool. But beyond the home run fence of their diamond menaces a ball-eating-dog called The Beast that the kids must inevitably deal with.

Space Jam - Greedy, selfish, ugly aliens (imagine Rosie O’Donnell as a disproprotionate midget) threaten the children beloved characters from Loony Tunes into slavery at a diseased infested Amusment Park managed by Danny Devito dressed as Willy Wonka. When the Loony Tunes challenge the aliens to a basketball game, the communist space creatures steal the talent of basketball icons like Patrick Ewing and Charles Barkley. Thus the Tunes need the help of retired Michael Jordan for the big game.

Characters: Sandlot - The heroic charisma that Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez carries is an inspiration to all baseball loving kids to, “Stop thinking and just have fun.” And there was a time in every young bachelor’s life where one can relate to the young, awkward Smalls, and the fulfilling feeling of acceptance. The comic relief of the trash-talking yet light-hearted Hams brings perfect balance to The Beast, and of course delivers one of the greatest lines in film, “You’re Killin Me Smalls!” Also the love interest of Wendy Peppercorn is the perfect fantasy of all L - 7 Weenies like Gazz

Space Jam - Michael Jordan, Charles Barkley, Muggsy Bogues, Patrick Ewing = athletes, not actors. Buggs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Tweety Bird, Aliens = cartoons, not people. The only actors in the movie are the annoying fat guy from Seinfeld and Bill Murry.

Turning Point: Michael Jordan makes a high-wire half court dunk while suspending reality stretching his arm to the hoop like Wilt Chamberlain’s third leg while being pulled down by two neon colored, steroid shooting, evil leprechauns. Benny Rodriguez has a six minute foot race being chased by an angry 350lb St. Bernard. That’s Baller! Muggsy Bougues couldn’t even pull that off.

These are only the tips of the iceberg that is The Sandlot’s cinematic superiority. In the closing of this chapter, anyone who is a can’t-hack-it, pantywaist who wears their mama’s bra raise your hand. (DJ raises his hand)

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 4th, 2008 at 11:51 pm and is filed under I know I know, Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.