It all started the summer after freshman year when I had a fling with this broad who went to University of Buffalo, and she is the reason why I will fail my sociology class. Why? Because one day she informed me of a word that will make the next 13 weeks more awkward than a priest in the YMCA. FUPA she explained is a Fat Upper Pussy Area. I always wondered with the male eqivilent, when a really fat guy sits down wearing tight pants…where does his dick go? There is clearly NO BULDGE! As much as I don’t like noticing fellow buldges, I would feel much more comforble knowing there was one there. Anyways, at the time, I chuckled and thought nothing of it until my first day of sociology class and became witness to Professor FUPA.
My professor walks into the classroom and time stops. You know what they say about ugly people, it’s like a car crash you just can’t look away. This was the Space Shuttle Challenger of ugly. This woman has the craziest fucking FUPA know to mankind. It is impossible for me to pay any attention to the material in class what so ever. This woman has the most disproportionate FUPA ever, usually a woman’s FUPA goes along with the rest of her fugly self. This thing looks like someone shoved a gumball machine up her ass. Mind you that during the entire 50 minutes of the class I am disgusted and half cracking up, 10% of the grade is participation yet I am unable to utter a single word for fear of my social filter-lacking subconscious will say things that gets me arrested. I have to bite my tonge from asking if she is pregnant. Now, while I have asked this question in the past without fearing the repercussions this woman looks like she was born two year after Mary Magdalen. I want to ask her just for the chance of her saying yes and putting my mind somewhat at ease. I sat in the front row of the class on the first day…NEVER AGAIN. I almost got TKOed from the wrecking ball of a FUPA this lady has going for her, and it gets worse when she walks in front of the projector casting a FUPA shadow on the screne that would have the world fear of being in an endless eclipse. “In this case study, what are the child’s rights when FFFUUUUPPPPPPAAAAA.” I completely lose my train of thought after every word. I honestly could not tell you a single thing that has happened in the class thus far. That God Damn FUPA has me so distracted that I spend the entirety of the class trying to comprehend how this 8th wonder of the world is physically possible. Add to that the poor excuse of a 13 year old mexican style mustash that would even make a West Virginian, trailer park, inbred, titty bar bouncer blush. That and her turkey neck that oddly proves evolution and making me question genetics gives me the biggest craving for cranberry sauce. I curse the day she explained that word to me and will forever lose sleep at night plagued with the thought of this image.
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January 13th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
that is a fucking good post, snake eyes. you rant with the best of em and paint this ghastly portrait well
January 20th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
That was the worst image to have in my head!
Yet you are stil my best friend, oh god xoxo