Da Bachelorhood

We have all told the success stories of rounding any one of the bases with a girl after a night of drinking, licentiousness and debauchery with the buds. There have also been the rare occurrences (some more than others) where we are belittled and ridiculed for an unfortunate mishap due to the inevitable beer goggles and the coaching of a certain roommate who will remain nameless who is getting you back for filling his shampoo bottle with pink hair die, for playing the late night tonsil hockey with a gal who “has a great personality”. Of course they are the nights to partially remember cuz she was an 8<. However, there is the deep conscience dwelling effect that plagues our oh so innocent minds for the days to come. Awkwardly running into each other on campus/workplace/prison that you begin to wonder “what is she really like?” Perhaps you should have asked her a different question like, what dose professionalism mean to you? Instead of “So, you’re pro-choice right?”

It is true (at least those of us with a conscience) to wonder aside from the one night stand fact (but so are you) the content of her character. And there is a simple reason as to why you wonder this and want to know the hottie behind the facebook profile, and that is Bragging Points. If you knew the chick had previously won an episode of Global Guts and has a piece of the Agro Crag at home you’d totally pull that out (that’s what she said) when bragging about the night’s festivities. But then again do you really want to know what she is really like? Granted you try to be unaware of any and all negatives to make yourself that much more, the King. Because all of the what I like to call *Bonus Points* about her you acquire, increases your manliness. In a drunken disorder at the club during the 18 and over night it’s clearly all about the looks, thus the classic 1-10 scale. However, I believe that we can all agree that there certain girls who’s character gives them *Cool Points* which can very easily put them higher on the classic 1-10 scale. These cool points gives you ground to brag that you are not going only by looks alone. But that you as a Manly Man are able to pluck out the chosen ones.

Which brings me to my original question, is hooking up with a vegan unmanly? Now it goes without saying that if you hook up with a hottie, you hook up with a hottie. Period, plane and simple. But for the knowledge that you did said events, the fact that she was a vegan brings a certain unease to your feeling as an accomplished swinger. By no means should one feel shamed for the 10 minutes of awkward dryhumping and 3.07 seconds of passionate drunken love making. But a vegan? Really? Understandably, there was very little you could have known before the incident. There would be a painstaking sting deep in one’s heart that would feel unmanly. I mean vegans are more unmanly than feminists. At least with feminists you can easily make fun of them without much imagination, and it’s a boat load of fun! So I’d much rather have a feminist piñata around than a whining vegan. Vegans should be put on the same list as anti-Semitic and pediatric leukemia patients, no one wants them around cuz they’re just a huge buzz kill.

Yes she may be a hottie but next time, ask her if she digs veal just to make sure. Of course you could pose the argument that if you fill the taco with meat, she’s not a true vegan. But we won’t go there.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 24th, 2007 at 12:45 pm and is filed under Self Debate. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.