How to survive a hang over in the workplace
Posted by: Jersey in Hangover, How to..., Surviving in the Workplace
Its tough making the adjustment from college meat head alcoholic rugby playing Irishmen, to Monday through Friday 9-5, commuter working stiff. Especially when you take into account that before you started your job you went through your summer you had to endure graduation party season, which is a open bar paradise of liquor, beer, and sundresses.
Hangovers at work are much worse than they were in college, the option to skip is rarely there and you have to be at work for more than just 3 hours on the given day. On top of that your cognition and motor skills as well as energy and ability to work with others is greatly diminished, but its a reality of the paradigm shift your are probably going through.
Let me just say, from experience, that I have been through the worst of what you want NOT to happen. Without getting to into the story, lets just say my boss has a comfy couch. Thankfully, there is a shower in the building and I was able to wear the same suit two days in a row, but it could have been MUCH worse. The hangover was enough pain only to have the giggles of my co-workers to follow me around all day.
So here are some tips and tricks I’ve learned to survive a day at work after a night of heavy consumption of alcohol.
1. Preparation is key.
If you know you are going out drinking, you have to eat before you go out. Obvious enough, but it can be forgotten easily because once you have a bunch of drinks in you, your stomach can feel full.
2. WATER
By my calculations (aka my gut) a hangover is 85% percent dehydration. If you really want to get out ahead of a hangover you have to drink water before, during, and after drinking. In order to kick the vast majority of a hangover you have to drink a pint of water for every 4 drinks. The problem with this is that A) you look like a sissy B) you look like a sissy and C) you look like a light weight not ready for Alpha-Male status, aka sissy. But you can only look like a nancy boy if you drink that taste-less H2O in front of co-workers. A big glass before bed (if you aren’t too drunk) and a big glass when you wake up (if you can keep from throwing up) can also go a long way. Keep in mind though that water takes a long time to be absorbed into your body. So if you don’t start early, you are in for a long day.
3. Pain Killers
If you don’t get drug tested and you can do your job high, then I have been told that Marijuana and Morphine help. Lets be honest, we are good kids with jobs that matter, so we can’t be doing that now can we. Advil, Tylenol on the other hand, are totally cool. I usually go with Aspirin based products, they are designed to thwart pain, anywhere from minor to moderate amounts of it. Be careful though, if you take TOO many you could make it worse with an overdose which makes you just as sick. I stick to 4 pills every 4 hours or until its all over.
4. Coffee
Hangovers want you in bed, fight the beast with caffeine. I’m not talking that cutesy, ‘wake me up before you go go’ coffee, I mean Honduran Kick Me In The Ass, Screw the British Tea Bullshit, Mud Coffee. Brew it strong and feel that sludge slide down your throat like a slug. Works the best. Again, too much and your stomach can become ever more upset.
5. THE CURE
Call in sick.
Another danger to surviving a night of drinking with your co-workers is controlling you tongue as well as you pe**s. If you say something horrible, its going to be the talk of the office the next day and there is NO WAY to backtrack or apologize. Also you don’t want to just randomly hook up with someone at the office, for two reasons. One, no matter how cool you play it, it’ll always be awkward. Two, you might hurt your chances with a better looking co-worker. On the other hand, who cares what they think. You just gotta have priorities.
Entries (RSS)